trust

plain and simple, it's all about trust.

my current girl-friend said something to me about me being able to trust her with re-homing a friend's dog. with that, i can i do trust her.

but just how much do i trust her? can i trust her more?

this is a lady that i could really see being with the rest of me life. it isn't because i'm single and just want someone in my life either. Paula is a wonderful lady and we have a lot in common. i've told her that i feel like i'm falling in love with her. she even said that the love part doesn't have to happen right away, it can wait, there is no rush.
i'm in no rush, granted with my feelings i can fall quick if i want, but i still have my issues.

most of all is the trust thing. also i wonder if she really feels for me or if i'm just a diversion...kind of the trust thing all around i think.
we met on internet personal site and found each other on another site. after about a month i put this statement on the site we met and on the other one we are both on (as well as one other i had) and i also stopped paying for the site i met her on:
I have met someone, from another online personals, that i really want to see where it may go. So i have to say that i am not looking for anything more than what she cares to share with me....thank you and good luck

that was the truth. honestly i did something i probably should have done a long time ago, i canceled my profile off all the personal sites i was on, ones i never used. she saw what i put on my profile and made comments that "she should do the same". should.....? that has yet to happen, not to mention she is still paying for at least one site.
she says that she has just been too lazy to post something. honestly, i think she likes the attention, but what kills me is that i wonder if she really wants a relationship?

before i changed my personal ads, i asked her to be my "girl-friend" (exclusive so to speak, just dating each other, no one else). that was 6 weeks or so ago and she still hasn't touched her profiles. one of the sites i can go on without anyone knowing i was there, so i know she doesn't think i am still looking. no, i'm not being devious or checking up on her, i'm just being carefull how far i let my heart go.
curiosity got the best of me, so what can i say, i guess i do have trust issues.
just seems like if she cared, i mean really cared, then she wouldn't have to continue to log onto those personal sites to see who has emailed her. even worse for me, is that if i knew a woman was 'dating' someone, but saw she was still on the personal site every day....as a single man, I'd still hit on her. why not? i mean it makes someone think, "is she really into this relationship or does she want something else?"

the other thing that gets me, she never does anything for me, just because. I'll surprise her with flowers and other things cause i want to. i guess I'm a little put off by the fact that unless we are together, it doesn't seem like she even thinks about me. i'm probably wrong, but the Trust issues i have had been put there by other women that weren't half the women Paula is.

i just have to make sure that i'm not putting myself out there to get hurt again. to trust someone only to have them lie to you and cheat on you really sucks; sucks even more when they say they are also a friend. that happened to me, catching her in a lie was the hardest thing and yet she thought i knew so she had no idea how much she hurt me. i figured, what difference would it make if she knew.

so, it's stuff like that i have to be careful of. i just hope i have found someone that doesn't play head games as i don't know what i'll do if she burns me too