organized or not

so, i'm trying to find my Canada pictures, i know i have them on CD, just no clue as to where.

in the process of looking, i've found all sorts of old documents, other wrtings, games and pictures.
over time, i have tried my best to keep copies of things if not more than one.
music, i have a lot and believe for most of it i have back-ups.

i keep finding more and more stuff i didn't know i had.

i just read something i wrote about a half dozen years ago, a feeling that is all to familiar:


i am not looking to get married, i was just hoping to find someone that has some of the same interests that i do. and could someone i could get to know and maybe something would come from that.

i guess i don't think of marriage first. i think of getting to know someone, learning everything and anything and maybe allowing that to develop into a lasting relationship.
and then, if it is right, then marriage.

they say to have loved and lost is better than to never have loved at all.
i have loved and lost and wonder if i will ever feel that again; it hurts sometimes to think that i might not find that again in someone i care about.

from my past and upbringing, marriage can be a scarry word.

i want love, i want to feel my heart full again and i want that before i want marriage.
that's just me being a hopeless romantic.

i won't get hurt me as long as there is always honesty.


i guess what i didn't understand then and still don't is why it is so difficult for someone to understand what i want, what i need most and why honesty is such a dirty word?

i mean i understand we all have our own 'definitions' to life and love and i don't expect anyone to know how i feel. but, with life and love, for myself, i want to learn how someone feels and i want that special someone in my life to be the same.

i keep trying.
i keep feeling.
i keep thinking.
i keep being the romantic.
i keep being the nice guy.
i keep being me.
i keep looking for love and just hope it's looking for me too.


oh, and i never did find the pictures i was looking for, but found some from later years that worked just the same.
now i have to go crash so i can be up in about 3 hours or so...lol